Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
