he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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