and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
