If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
