No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
