no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
