I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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