Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We are two peas in an std pod
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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