Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
