You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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