and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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