Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
