Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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