goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are all done wearing pants today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
