Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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