this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
