you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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