the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
