enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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