I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
