everyone is single if you try hard enough
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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