So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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