My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
