In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
