i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
