My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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