i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
