Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
