I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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