Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
