were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
