Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
