We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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