he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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