its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
