Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
