i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
