Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
