I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
