Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
