we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
