the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
