About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
