...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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