we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
