I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
