The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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