rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
