oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
