he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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